Gate 18 Line 2, Ambition & The Bitch

Taste. I am a natural bitch. What can I say… ok, so it’s not what comes out all the time, but it can be, and when it has it has been shocking, even to myself at times. 

Ambitious, you could say. I’ve always been ambitious, and partners that couldn’t meet or match my ambition were not allowed. Or when the ambition fizzled into complacency or atrophy, I would surely get turned off. I like a hard working man. I like a man that puts his career as an important part of his life and even partially identifies himself with his work. I realize the foolishness in some of that. Expectations, projections, contempt; I’ve thrown them as much as I’ve also received them. I could be a real bitch. 

But this “ambitchousness”, really it’s been my work to see and practice - better discernment. Both of my daughters have the full channel of judgement, 18/58. Tallulah has the 18.2 as well as her conscious Jupiter, with the 58.1 as her conscious moon. Maddex has the 18.1 in her unconscious south node, with the 58.6 as her conscious earth. 18.2 is my conscious Saturn. Lol what a placement and experience we have had together… 

Where Tallulah is like the boots on the ground and discernment is such an innate beautiful thing to witness in her, she sees peoples limitations intrinsically, and can be motivated to support her friends like a mother hen… that guilt motivation when correct is so moving to me. And where Maddie is the observer of this movie in her environment, where she sits on the roof, I can totally see that in her, and has most certainly made decisions via her own motivations and feeling cognition to move away or toward a particular person or environment. 

And I… well I myself have been learning where to be less judgey, bitchy, more discerning, to support them both, and others when given the opportunity. 

Tallulah is totally a picker 😆 we all have been to some extend, not so much Maddie; and it makes sense being in the roof lol, but Tallulah for sure. She was the go to in the house if anyone had a blemish that needed picking. We even bought her proper picking tools, and her boyfriend at one time bought her a faux skin zit popper thing where the goo would come out of this fake skin, like slime or putty? Idk it was a bit much to me but hilarious because she absolutely loved it. 

So picking; picking can be endearing and for a touch person, which I am, Tallulah is outer vision, and Maddie feeling, but for my touch it does feel at times like a form of love. This Taste of mine. I'm open to constructive, compassionate healthy criticism, but don't judge me. To gently guide me, or course correct me when I’m being overly critical, overly pumped up in my ego, or just plain nit-picky. It can really get out of hand if we're not practicing awareness and healthy discernment. Nitpicking can turn into contempt and projectile blaming or shaming, it can become denial of others needs out of some sort of spite. Ambition that turns into competition in the not self. Expecting others to be or act like you.

I have to say though I’ve never felt I was in competition with my partners, if anything I’d get disappointed with their lack of ambition, or even lack of seeing how I was trying to empower them to do better for themselves… and my excuse has often been because I see so much in them. I only ever wanted to empower them to be the best version of themselves. I realize now with Human Design just how terrible that is for a projector to do to those they love. It caused more pain than pleasure, that’s for sure. Sometimes it was warranted and invited, others, not so much. The bitch in me recognizes where I was in fact a big part of the problem as well. 

It has been for me to see whom and where my empowerment is needed and wanted. Because I can see the need, but if it’s not wanted, well then it’s just for me to see… and really, I like myself better when I’m not this bitchy woman that holds such high expectations of herself and others. I like practicing discernment versus inserting myself where I’m not valued or appreciated or needed or wanted! I’m thankful it’s conscious at least, though at times I still slip. It’s just yet another opportunity, as I see it, to practice compassion for myself and others. "To work on what's been spoilt"... it is a 'terminal disease', this process only goes away when I die. 

It’s also been something of a practice to humble myself, (my Uranus 14.6) to realize I know nothing if I don’t get out of my head load of expectations and into the present. It’s where I’ve learned to meet people where they are - instead of transferring into guilt to fix something that maybe doesn’t need fixing at all. It’s also where I’ve seen how what I often need can also be what others need; and that is simply someone to hold space for where they are, to figure it out themselves… because I almost always can figure it out myself as well. Sometimes we just need a witness. So to see the need for empowerment, and instead of “shoulding” or “coulding” on someone, to just sit with them… physically or proverbially, to allow them to be where they are because to be witnessed in and of itself can and has created the transformation they needed while in my aura. That’s where the beauty of being me has been most rewarding. 

Yet, I am this ambitious woman, and I do still love a man that is also ambitious. I value friends and a lover that support my ambitions… and I practice refraining from judging myself or others for having less ambition than I. I mean it makes sense having this big ego with 51 thrice… I am unique, as are they. It's not a competition. 

I’ve also been in positions of complete loss of ambition. Total and utter lack of motivation, no ego willpower to do diddly squat. And I’ve learned to not judge myself for being there, too. But gosh had that taken a LOT out of me, to submit to that place of acceptance. I’ve been ambitious most of my adult life. Some of it due to absolute choicelessness. Being a single mother, then becoming a wife and mother of 4, then starting a business and running a household, then when crisis hits I would just roll with the punches, ambitious was my middle name! But when crisis hits, and then yet another crisis, one after another… life, my spirit, my heart said No more.. the call (and the fall) to surrender. To let it all go was like prying each finger from the ledge of a cliff to which there is no sight of a bottom but you know if you don’t let go you’ll surely loose willpower to hold on at some point anyway, and only cause more damage, pain, and suffering to yourself, and everyone involved… the fall was inevitable. The surrender was truly choiceless. 

To let go and not judge yourself or worry what others may think or say about you, the projections of disappointment in devastating degrees… no choice said the voice in my head and heart. ‘Let go’ became a mantra… when a family member voices their distaste in my choices; let it go. When the business falls apart; let it go. When I could no longer corral my daughters under my wing to keep them safe; let it go. When my husband was locked up and our life was utterly shattered by an indictment, everything falling apart; let it go. When I was in crisis and we were all faced with the global pandemic, bills racking up, bitterness for lack of recognition and support; let it go. Just let it aaaalllll gooooo…  

You learn to be a lot less judgy when you have nothing. You learn to become quite humble and grateful for the smallest of things… you learn to really listen to your body, because had I not, I would surely have had a heart attack or a stroke in that environment. I knew I would die if I didn’t let it all go, and get out of there. 

The beauty of ambition and judgement when correct is seeing through this lens of discernment. It’s listening to myself when no one else would. It’s trusting that these subtle cues, signs and signals are for me and me alone, and of course I’m happy to share what I see when invited, but only then. It’s trusting my inner authority as my divine powerful magnetic compass; to or away from crisis or chaos. And to recognition that there was ambition and determination, even in my surrender... There is willpower to survive letting go of everything to start anew. 

I go where I’m wanted and needed now. I sit with the other, right where they are. If I ever see that bitch rearing her head I check myself because… who am I to judge when I too have been a complete idiot before. And I'll most definitely be an idiot again. And because I have risen out of so much shock and pain, I know that what I needed most was just someone to hold me and love me right where I was. Because there is this intrinsic knowing within me, I have the answers I need, and being witnessed does something for us, to us. It’s an allowance or an acceptance thing. Safety. Support. That universal loving presence within me that just says this is ok… you are still loved and worthy of being loved, empowered, and you will, too, get back up again. 

It’s now one way I see my willpower as a gift, this perfected form for integration as a blessing, and discernment as an irreplaceable awareness to my strategy and authority. 

I hope you enjoyed this story, I could say so much more to this but I’ll leave it for now. May we practice less bitchiness and practice more discernment - during these nodes, and moving forward. 

Love you, choose wisely 💖🙏🏽

Gate 18 - The Gate of Correction

Channel - Judgment - A design of Insatiability

Harmonic Gate - 58: The Joyous

Center - Spleen

Circuit - Understanding

Astrologic Position - 03° 52' 30"♎️  - 09° 30' 00"♎️ 

Taste, the focus of judgment on dissatisfaction. This gate is where we receive our deepest conditioning from our parents. In the I'Ching this gate is referred to as Work on what has been spoilt. It is through this gate that a woman is conditioned by her Father, and where a man is conditioned by his Mother. The Oedipus / Electra Gate. This isn't to say that this is a negative. It is the gate of essential learning and as a result is the gate of Correction. This is where we learn generationally, from parent to child.

The 18th gate activated in a chart is an indication that there has been deep conditioning from the parent. It is through this 'imprinting' that a certain standard has been established. These conditioned standards will form the basis for comparison and will be applied to everything; lovers, work, oneself, and the reality despite circumstances will always invite the potential of Correction. The very vitality of this channel denies resignation, and the need to correct, to improve is a life long process. Without the dissatisfaction  and the drive for perfection which hones the critical skills,  there is no understanding. Here is where the potential of Taste is born.

WORK ON WHAT HAS BEEN SPOILT

THE VIGILANCE AND DETERMINATION TO UPHOLD AND DEFEND BASIC AND FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS

Line 6 - Buddhahood - 

♎️ 08° 33' 45" - 09° 30' 00"

The perfected form.

Mars 🔼 The Buddha state of the eternal child and the energy to find new horizons to avoid stasis. The potential of the perfected form through correction.

Moon 🔽 The mundane application of the above. The ability to tap public opinion and share methodology. The potential to share the values of the correction with others.

Line 5 - Therapy 

♎️ 07° 37' 30" - 08° 33' 45"

The strength to recognize a problem and to accept that it is beyond one's power to solve it alone.

Saturn 🔼 The  wisdom  to  both  seek  and  provide  guidance. The  potential  for  correction  and judgment through relationships. The  mental  patient.  Chronic  instability  and  potential  madness. 

Venus 🔽 Where relationships cannot assist in correction the potential of mental instability. 

Line 4 - The Incompetent 

♎️ 06° 41' 15" - 07° 37' 30"

Difficulties as a result of inadequacies that cannot be resolved because of inadequacies.

Earth 🔼 Given this negative position, survival through suffering. The inability to correct and its potential for suffering.

Mercury 🔽 Indecision and anxiety and no escape from misfortune. The demands of correction and its potential to generate anxiety.

Line 3 - The Zealot 

♎️ 05° 45' 00" - 06° 41' 15"

The energetic obsession to clean house.

Neptune 🔼 The dissolution of old forms at an acceptable price. An obsession with correction and its critical potential.

Jupiter 🔽 Rigid judgmentation that creates as many problems as it solves. An obsession with correction that does not bring satisfaction.

Line 2 - Terminal Disease

♎️ 04° 48' 45" - 05° 45' 00"

The recognition that what has been spoilt is irreversible.

Pluto 🔼 Acceptance and strength derived from a faith in spiritual regeneration. The acceptance that there is no potential for correction.

Moon 🔽 The futile raging against the wind. The refusal to accept that there is no potential for correction.

Line 1 - Conservatism

♎️ 03° 52' 30" - 04° 48' 45”

The adherence to traditional patterns despite and/or in spite of changing circumstances.

Earth 🔼 Gradual modification to avoid eventual upheaval. The potential to correct through gradual modification of judgments.

Jupiter 🔽 The Patriarch whose rigidity guarantees deterioration. The potential to refuse to correct.

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